Medicinal.
It's indescribably beautiful.
I love flying over the polar cap.
Above the desolation.
The stars...
...it's really one of God's good ones.
So you think a being of some sort did all this?
You don't?
You mean, do I believe if I look up in the sky...
...and promise this or that...
...the Biggie will make all this go away?
No.
Then 95 percent of the people on Earth are wrong?
If life has taught me anything...
...it's that 95 percent of the people are always wrong.
It's called faith.
I honestly envy people who have faith. I just can't get my head around it.
Maybe your head's in the way.
Carter, we've all had hundreds of these discussions...
...and every one of them always hits the same wall.
Is there a sugarplum fairy or not?
And nobody has ever gotten over that wall.
So, what do you believe?
I resist all beliefs.
No big bang? Random universe?
We live.
We die.
And the wheels on the bus go round and round.
What if you're wrong?
I'd love to be wrong.
If I'm wrong, I win.
I'm not sure it works that way.
Well, you're not claiming you know something I don't.
Mm-mm.
I just have faith.
Hallelujah, brother...
...and pass the mustard.
[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]
CARTER: Know how they harvest caviar? EDWARD: Hit me.
When a female sturgeon is caught...
...the fisherman has to take great care to see she dies peacefully.
- Mm-hm. - If she feels the least bit threatened...
...she secretes a sour chemical that ruins the eggs.
Sounds like my third wife.
[LAUGHING]
Woman thought mayonnaise came from a plant.
I could get used to this.
Also sounds like my third wife.
Thirty years I've been coming here.
First time with a guy.
Well, I'm flattered.
Emily's 10th birthday was the best, though.
Who's Emily?
My little, uh...
Well, she's not so little anymore.
You have a daughter?
- But I thought you said... - Yeah, well...
...I didn't know you then.
Make a long story short, uh...
...I don't see her.
CARTER: Hmm.
What are you doing?
It's time.
- No, no, no. Cross that off. - Why not?
- Cross it off. - Why?
Why?
There is no why.
- What's the matter? - Excuse me.
Where you going?
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
Just like a broad.
[WATER RUNNING]
Look, uh, Carter...
I'm sorry. I know...
...sometimes I get a little overbearing and l...
[SCRUBBING]
Jesus Christ.
- It's all right. It's okay. - What? What?
The top on the catheter came loose, that's all.
Well, maybe we should get you to a hospital, Carter...
- I just busted out of the hospital. - Huh?
It's all right. Look, it's already stopped, see? Let's get out of here.
It looks wonderful. Uh... Uh...
- Maybe I'll get the... - Let's just go.
- You go straight to the car. - Come on. Come on.
Okay, all right.
- Where's...? Where's Tommy? MAN: In the salon, monsieur.
CARTER: Oh, my.
How much money do you have?
Well, I wouldn't bleed on the rugs.
[CHUCKLES]
I'm gonna find someplace where I can take a nice hot bath.
Be as good as new afterwards.
Uh... You... Okay.
- Tom... - Okay, we're all set, then? Okay, good.
All right, it took some doing, but, uh, I rearranged everything.
Cairo tomorrow, Tanzania for two days, then Johannesburg on Saturday.
And, as previously directed, no bullfight, no tiger hunt.
Thomas, I'd really like to say you're irreplaceable...
...but I'd be lying.
And I'd really like to say you're a gracious man, and I love my job...
...but I, too, would be lying.
Turnabout is fair play.
I believe you learned that from the master.
CARTER: Hey, look! They got Jeopardy! in the bathroom!
On the TV. Jeopardy!
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
Jeopardy!? In French?
Hello?
Mr. Cole? Virginia Chambers.
Oh. Yeah. Um, hi.
Let me get Carter for you.
Well, actually, I called to speak to you.
Oh.
Is he all right?
Oh, yeah. He's... He's fine.
May I ask where you are?
France, actually. Uh, tomorrow...
Give him back to me.
Virginia. May I call you Virginia?
I'm not sure that I can make...
VIRGINIA: I'm not asking for his sake.
Mr. Cole...
...l've been a nurse my entire adult life.
Had a ringside seat to more human tragedy...
...than any woman should ever have to bear.
Now, I'm prepared for my husband to die.
I'm just not prepared to lose him while he's still alive.
- Who is Howdy Doody? PRESENTER [ON TV]: You got it.
- You pick. - "TV Puppets," for 400.
PRESENTER: These two Muppets...
... are roommates on the long-running show Sesame Street.
- Who are Bert and Ernie? MAN: Who are Bert and Ernie?
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]
PRESENTER: - the son of a Greek immigrant...
... was born in Towson, Maryland.
Who is Spiro Agnew?
WOMAN: Who is Spiro Agnew?
Well...
...you're looking, uh...
...buoyant.
This is the first time I was ever in a tub with no corners.
Really?
You know, ahem, Carter, uh, I've been thinking...
...what with the catheter and everything...
...maybe we should put this on hold for a while.
Come on, now, I told you, stop worrying. I'm fine.
No, no, it's not that. It's not that.
It's just, I mean, if you're worried about letting me down...
...you know, it's a lot easier for me.
You talked to Virginia, didn't you?
[SIGHS]
Why do you think I'm doing this?
Because I talked you into it.
Edward, you're strong, but you're not that strong.
No.
After Rachel left for college, there was a hole.
I mean, you know, no more homework, no more Little League...
...recitals, school plays...
...kids crying, fights, skinned knees.
And for the first time in 40 years, I looked at Virginia...
...without all of the noise, without all of the distractions...
...and I couldn't remember what it felt like...
...when I could not walk down the street without holding her hand.
I mean, she was the same woman I fell in love with, she hadn't changed.
But somehow everything was different.
We'd lost something along the way.
You know?
WOMAN: "TV Puppets," for 600.
PRESENTER: Ventriloquist Edgar Bergen hosted a show named for this dummy.
Who is Charlie McCarthy?
PRESENTER: Sandy? SANDY: Who's Charlie McCarthy?
[CARTER SINGING "THE LION SLEEPS TONIGHT"]
[BOTH SINGING]
Look, look, look!
Aah!
CARTER: I was very pleased when Edward decided...
... to eliminate item number nine from his list:
"Hunt the big cat."
Of course, he did insist on discharging a few rounds from the big gun.
[GUNSHOT]
[EDWARD GRUNTS]
CARTER: One proved to be enough.
- Gin. - Of course, gin, why not?
CARTER: Do you know...
...that the only dog ever struck by lightning was right here, in Egypt?
I wish I'd met you before we were dead.
[CARTER LAUGHING]
You know, technically...
...we could cross off two items:
"See the pyramids"...
...and "witness something majestic."
This is about as majestic as it gets.
Wait till you see my mountain.
Oh, yeah.
Your mountain.
Still, this ain't half bad.
You know, the ancient Egyptians had a beautiful belief about death.
When their souls got to the entrance to heaven...
...the gods asked them two questions.
Their answers determined whether they were admitted or not.
Okay, I'll bite.
What were they?
Have you found joy in your life?
Uh-huh.
Answer the question.
- Me? - Yeah, you.
Answer the question, "Have I found joy in my life?"
Yes.
Has your life brought joy to others?
Ah, this type of question, l...
I don't know, uh...
I don't think about how other people gauge, uh...
Ask them.
I'm asking you.
Fine.
Let me put it to you this way.
After the breakup, and the ensuing fleecing of the dad...
...Emily went to live with her mother.
You know, you try to stay close, but it gets down to holidays...
...phone calls, birthday cards, you know.
Anyway...
...Emily goes to college, joins one of her "Save the Poor People"...
...the animals, whatnot...
...meets a guy, decides she loves him.
Good-looking kid, driven, smart.
But there was something about him...
...so when she said they were engaged I told her I was against it...
...but being my daughter, naturally...
...she went ahead and married him anyway.
Needless to say, I wasn't invited to the wedding.
That must have hurt.
You think?
First time he hit her, she came to me. I wanted to bash his brains in.
She wouldn't let me.
Said she loved him, said it wasn't his fault, he'd had a few drinks...
...she was the one picked the fight.
Next time it happened, she didn't come to me.
The ex told me. Nice to hear her voice again.
What did you do?
What any father would do.
I took care of it.
I called a guy who called a guy who handles these kinds of things.
I don't know what he said, don't know what he did...
...all I know is he didn't kill him...
...and my daughter never heard from him again.
How did she react?
Called me names you wouldn't believe, and worse...
Said I was dead to her.
I'm not proud of everything I did...
...but I'm pretty sure I'd do it all again...
...so if they don't let me into Egyptian heaven because my daughter hates me...
...well, then I guess that's just the way it goes.
However you answer your two questions.
How do we get down from this tomb?
CARTER: The empress was the wife of Shah Jahan, the fifth Mogul emperor.
Although it was an arranged marriage, they were deeply in love...
...and remained inseparable until she died giving birth to their 14th child.
Do you mind if I call you Ray?
Main man Ray.
Are you listening to anything I'm saying?
Absolutely.
Fourteen kids. I'm with you.
It took 20,000 volunteers 22 years to complete this structure.
Every square foot designed by the shah himself.
So that's true love.
That's true love.
Must be nice.
Don't know if I buy the whole "20,000 volunteers" business.
EDWARD: Funeral plans tend to confuse me.
Specifically, buried or cremated.
Take buried.
Now, I know it shouldn't matter, but I'm claustrophobic.
[CARTER CHUCKLES]
What if I wake up underground and nobody can hear me?
Do they still make those coffins with the bells?
Uh... I don't believe they do.
Then cremated. What do you do with the ashes?
Do you bury them, scatter them, put them on a shelf?
Float them down the Ganges on a bed of flowers?
What if I feel the flames?
Well, I definitely want to have myself cremated.
Maybe we should go frozen like Walt Disney.
No. Cremated.
Ashes put in a can, buried some place with a view.
A can, huh?
Yeah. I never liked the sound of the word urn.
Really? Got any special feelings about crypt?
Heh. No.
No, an old Chock Full o'Nuts can will do me just fine.
Chock Full o'Nuts, "the Heavenly Coffee."
Better coffee even your money can't buy, my friend.
Don't bet on it.
Oh, right.
Kopi Luwak.
What do you got against Kopi Luwak?
Too fancy for my tastes.
Oh, yeah. Too fancy for my main man, Ray.
[LAUGHING]
CARTER: Gin. - Goddamn it.
You get all the cards.
EDWARD: This is China for you, baby.
Whoo-hoo! Yeah!
Be a lot more majestic if we could see it.
See that old woman?
Odds are we're gonna be dead before her.
Happy thought.
Of course, she's probably got reincarnation going for her...
...however that system works.
Ah, the Buddhists believe you keep coming back.
Moving up or down a level, based on how you lived your life.
See, that's where they lose me.
I mean, what would a snail have to do to move up in the lineup?
Lay down a perfect trail of slime?
So shitty news, or really shitty news?
A, the first one.
There's a storm up there.
Well, thanks for the bulletin, Tom, we can't even see the goddamn thing.
They won't let us fly up until the weather clears.
Well, when do they expect it to clear?
Uh, next spring, sometime.
That's the really shitty news, in case you were wondering.
[CARTER SIGHS]
Well, maybe next time.
Yeah.
Next spring.
So now what?
Well, maybe your mountain's trying to tell us something.
What do you mean?
Maybe we've been gone long enough.
Gone long enough? Gone long enough for whom?
Oh. No, I get it.
The mountain isn't telling us it's time for us to go home.
The mountain is telling you to tell me it's time for me to go home, right?
- Yeah. - You shit.
Why don't you worry about your life, and let me worry about mine, okay?
Okay, okay! You don't have to get chippy with me.
CARTER: What's next? EDWARD: Next, Hong Kong.
EDWARD: Silk suits and black walnut ice cream.
Tibetans call it Chomulungma, "Goddess Mother of the Snows."
"Goddess Mother of the World," actually.
In the traditional Tibetan translation.
I stand corrected.
Pinot Noir, please.
I take it you've been there?
Uh... Uh... Um... I just left, actually.
We tried to go up, but it wasn't...
You're a little late in the season.
So they tell me.
- My name's Angelica. - Yeah, Carter.
I'm sorry if this sounds terrible...
...but aren't you a little developed in years to be running up a giant mountain?
"Developed," now that's certainly one way of putting it.
Well, I've been up there, you know.
- Really? - Mm-hm.
I made it to 26,000 feet before we had to turn back.
- Really? - Mm-hm.
What was it like?
Cold...
- Mm. ...mostly.
During the day, the sky is more black than blue.
There's not enough air to reflect the sunlight.
But at night, you've never seen so many stars.
Seems like they're just out of reach, and so bright.
They're like little holes in the floor of heaven.
- Did you hear it? - Hear what?
I read an account of a man who made it to the summit...
...and standing there at the top of the world...
...he experienced this profound silence.
It was like all sound just fell away.
And that's when he heard it.
What?
The sound of the mountain.
He said it was like he heard the voice of God.
I've never done this before.
That sounds like such a cliché...
...but I have a room upstairs.
Well, that's...
I mean...
I...
I appreciate that.
But you see...
She's a very lucky woman.
Well, I rather think I'm the lucky one.
Good for you.
Tom?
Three things to remember when you get older:
Never pass up a bathroom...
...never waste a hard-on, and never trust a fart.
I'll keep that in mind as I approach decrepitude.
Heh-heh. That's a good one there.
Let's go home.
Excuse me?
I want to go home now.
But I thought that... What about the silk suits?
That was very clever of you, Edward.
[LAUGHS]
How'd you know I wouldn't go through with it?
I didn't.
I'm proud of you.
Nobody cares what you think.
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
America.
Hey, Tommy, this isn't the way to Crenshaw.
There's an accident on the 10. We're taking the surface streets.
Uh-huh.
Why are we, uh?
Oh, my God.
He's kept tabs on her. Just in case you decided to...
This was your idea, Tom?
No, it was my idea. I talked him into it.
- Yeah, talked him into it. - Hey.
Wait a minute. Edward. Edward? Wait a minute.
Edward. What are you so afraid of?
Just because I told you my story does not invite you to be a part of it.
Oh. Like the lady in the bar?
- That's different. - Tell me how.
- Because it is! - How is it different?
You have no fucking idea who I am!
I built a billion-dollar business up from nothing!
Presidents have asked my advice.
I have dined with royalty and I'm supposed to make out like, what...
...this trip was supposed to mean something to me?
Like it was gonna change me?
How did you see it playing out, Carter? I knock on the door, she answers.
She's surprised and angry...
...but I tell her how much I love her and miss her.
And, " Oh. By the way, I'm gonna be dead soon...
...so I'm reaching out to you because I don't wanna die alone"?
Everyone is afraid to die alone.
I'm not everyone!
This was supposed to be fun.
That's all it ever was.
No, you don't get in. Call a cab.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
VIRGINIA: Dear Heavenly Father, we Just want to thank you for this day...
...for having our family here together, once again.
And, Lord, we just want to thank you for returning my husband...
...their father, Lord, to us.
[CHATTERING]
[VIRGINIA LAUGHS]
[SNIFFS]
WOMAN 1: Is he crying?
WOMAN 2: I don't know.
He's usually so much fun.
[CRYING]
[LAUGHING]
VIRGINIA: Oh...
- Wait a minute. - What?
- I got something for us. - Oh?
I wasn't sure I'd need it.
CARTER: Sure.
VIRGINIA: Ow! CARTER: Heh.
Okay.
[CLEARS THROAT]
VIRGINIA: You know how long it's been?
Do I wanna know?
[VIRGINIA LAUGHING]
VIRGINIA: Well, it's been longer than that.
[CHUCKLES]
You know, I feel like a teenager. Like our first time.
Uh, if we were teenagers, we never would've gotten out of that living room.
I remember the first time.
There was no tiptoeing around.
You were on me like... that.
Carter?
Oh, you playing hide-and-seek now, huh? Okay.
Carter!
- which resulted in a 15 percent increase in cash assets...
...following the sale of the recovery center to Phillips Medical.
Mr. Cole?
You ever read The Divine Comedy?
Excuse me, sir?
The Divine Comedy, Dante Alighieri's journey into hell.
Maybe we should take a break.
We don't need a break.
I'm in remission. I'm a goddamn medical miracle.
I'm simply asking...
...if you ever read The Divine Comedy.
Sir, you have a phone call.
Tommy, not now.
I really think you should take this.
[CHATTERING]
Uh...
Hey, Edward.
What's the prognosis?
It's metastasized to his brain.
Metast... Operable?
The odds aren't what we'd like them to be.
Odds.
Jesus.
How's he doing?
He's doing okay.
Uh, he wanted me to give you this.
I was supposed to wait until after...
...but then I thought...
She never listened to me before.
Why change a winning formula?
[CHUCKLES]
You look like shit, Ray.
Thanks.
How they treating you?
Pea soup still sucks.
I'll have a word with the owner.
You do that.
Can I have some water?
You can't have water, but I'll get you some of those lemon swabs, okay?
CARTER: All right.
You still drinking that fancy coffee?
What?
What are you, obsessed?
[CARTER CHUCKLES]
Read it.
"Kopi Luwak is the world's most expensive coffee.
Though for some, it falls under the category of 'too good to be true.'
In the Sumatran village where the beans are grown...
...lives a breed of wild tree cat.
These cats eat the beans, digest them and then...
...defecate.
The villagers then collect and process the stools.
It is the combination of the beans and the gastric juices of the tree cat...
...that give Kopi Luwak its unique flavor...
...and aroma."
You're shitting me.
Cats beat me to it.
- You got a pen? Give me a pen. - What?
What?
Here.
It's not finished.
Well...
It's not a one-man deal.
I'm afraid it'll have to be.
We're ready.
I'll be here when you get back.
Sounds good to me.
CARTER: Dear Edward, I've gone back and forth the last few days...
... trying to decide whether or not I should even write this.
In the end, I realized I would regret it if I didn't...
... so here goes.
I know the last time we saw each other...
... we weren't exactly hitting the sweetest notes.
It certainly wasn't the way I wanted the trip to end.
I suppose I'm responsible, and for that I'm sorry.
But, in all honesty, if I had the chance, I'd do it again.
Virginia said I left a stranger and came back a husband.
I owe that to you.
There's no way I can repay you for all you've done for me...
... so rather than try, I'm Just going to ask you to do something else for me.
Find the Joy in your life.
You once said you're not everyone.
Well, that's true.
You're certainly not everyone.
But everyone is everyone.
My pastor always says:
" Our lives are streams...
... flowing into the same river...
... towards whatever heaven lies in the mist beyond the falls. "
Hello, sweetie. Hi.
CARTER: Find the Joy in your life, Edward.
My dear friend...
... close your eyes and let the waters take you home.
Good afternoon. My name is Edward Cole.
I don't know what most people say at these occasions, because...
...in all honesty, I...
I've tried to avoid them.
The simplest thing is...
...I loved him and I miss him.
Carter and I saw the world together.
Which is amazing...
...when you think that only three months ago...
...we were complete strangers.
I hope...
...that it doesn't sound selfish of me...
...but the last months of his life...
...were the best months of mine.
He saved my life.
And he knew it before I did.
EDWARD: I'm deeply proud that this man...
... found it worth his while to know me.
In the end...
... I think it's safe to say that we brought some Joy to one another's lives.
So, one day, when...
... I go to some final resting place...
... if I happen to wake up next to a certain wall with a gate...
... I hope that Carter's there...
... to vouch for me...
... and show me the ropes on the other side.
CARTER: Edward Perriman Cole died in May.
It was a Sunday, in the afternoon...
... and there wasn't a cloud in the sky.
He was 81 years old.
Even now, I can't claim to understand the measure of a life.
But I can tell you this:
I know that when he died, his eyes were closed...
... and his heart was open.
And I'm pretty sure he was happy with his final resting place...
... because he was buried on the mountain...
... and that was against the law.